Weekend greetings everyone ♥
Today has been a true eye opener for me, experimentally and conceptually. What started as a relatively ordinary day became such a profound day of lessons, encouragements and new revelations. I am just going to be brief because I need to wake early tomorrow for PW rehearsal, but yes I want to share to you on how important it is to never forget the true significance of Christ's love for us. His omnipresence and ever-present help.
It is no cliche. God has your life in the palm of His hands and nothing you can do or think of can ever separate you from His omnipresent embrace. There may be many things that are opposing you right now, opposing your dreams, conflicting with your desires and hopes. Events or negative feelings that you disapprove of, that you wish would never exist. You're not alone. Lots, if not everyone, experience these moments every single time every single day. Today, I received one that truly weakened my heart but thanks to His providence, there were people and the Word that really affirmed to me on how gracious His love is in my life.
In my case, it's my long debate with feelings of inacceptance and neglect. There has been a side of me that's becoming almost cemented, concreted and hardened like an unpenetrable wall when it comes down to the feeling of openness and trust in relationships. I have experienced many moments where trust has been compromised in the past, which led me to close myself off from other people. My experiences gave me not just a wounded heart but a heart that repairs itself almost entirely on disgust and a lack of warmth when it comes to harnessing new meaningful relationships. Consequently, I may seem introverted or rather a bit dominating and a "solo" in a group situation. It's just me. I couldn't help it. I learnt today that God does not change your wounded heart and wronged perspective in a flick. He gives you training baby steps. He lets you into difficult situations so you gain a feel of what it's truly like for people who suffer and lived out their entire lives in these unfavorable conditions. I've always felt very heart-worn whenever I saw people being bullied or gossiped at in high school. If I never experienced how embarrassing and heartbreaking it is to be gossiped at, laughed or bullied in my earlier school years, I would not have mustered so much a courage to step-up and defend my friend who was being laughed at by another fellow class-mate. It did not matter if the bully intimidated me via physical appearance, I just could not tolerate what he was doing and decided to do something positive out of it.
The next thing I learnt was how to effectively and clearly communicate my intentions. Sometimes our pure-hearted intentions are not followed by well-deserving actions or appropriate expression which may lead to misunderstanding...and you know what that means. All sorts of negative, hesitant feelings due to a pure intention but misleading overt expression (verbally and non-verbally). Sometimes you face the decision to either change how you act or how you communicate by prioritizing the needs of the person you're addressing to more than your own. I've learnt to put my anxieties and crowded timetables aside in catching up with people who I'm not really close with (but keen on getting closer). Sometimes you have to sacrifice some time and even belongings to ensure that the other person feels at home, welcomed and accepted. I certainly don't want any girl or boy out there to be experiencing some of the moments I've experienced through and ended-up creating this unpenetrable wall around them that block against all sorts of social intervention. I don't want second-Catherines, mimicking a closed-off and distant personality whenever I reached out for new people. I want others to experience the warmth of God's love that is continuously at work in my life...and how is that ever possible if I can't sacrifice my own and prioritize their comforts, like a mother bird tending to her young?
In-fact, when God elevates you to a higher position of leadership or influence, He is increasing your capacity for sacrifice. What we are enduring now are the preparations for the way greater things our Father has in mind. Don't back up now. You're too close to Him to do that!